Post-Op 2, Spiritual Retail Therapy, Loving my Mom

Stiches came out. Talked to the doc. Moaned about meds making me an emotionally unavailable zombie when asked questions like, "Si, what would you like for dinner"? would answer, "OK." Questioned why oh why does this hurt so much when everyone else in the Busted Shoulder Club kept saying the surgery and recovery was a cinch? Doc Schtale, who IS Mr. Spock, cool, unflappable, said flatly, "They did not have your surgery." Please read on, as the details are here and there a picture of the best T-shirt I think I've ever found, and a testimonial to Fleur de Bretange, my mom. Click &c.

So, I am no longer a zombie. Turns out that for my personal chemistry Percocet is Evil plus Acetomenaphin. Sooo, now we're taking Vicodin, which is Pain Relief plus Acetomenaphin, and we are sooooo very happy to be back from hades. Still have the valium but need only take that at night to be sure to sleep too deeply to dream. All is now well. My arm does not hurt in that glassy-eyed way, and I can make jokes, sympathize with other people, and it's just grand. I will, btw, have my arm in this infernal sling/restraint for a full six weeks. There was to be no debate, bargaining, or bribery on that point. I'm already mentally strategizing how to go to Ireland or Ohio for job interviews in this condition. Because, if I don't, they will not call. The reason for the Evil Meds and the six weeks is below, the description of my surgery. Those of you who speak Magic Medical Jargon will grock the severity of the situation, but I'll offer a rough trot. Also, Heather, now that I'm not so doped up as to be ~me, yes, I can again sit down and meditate and take advantage of this whole deal in that way.

Fleur got up early in order do my hair and get my bra on, since I was going to be among humans for the first time in 12 days, and y'all know my hair and vanity. Dear Fluer has attended to, been patient with, and fussed over me with such magnanimity that I could cry. The other night, when the meds weren't enough, but enough meant being a zombie, and I didn't understand what was going on, and just had to cry and feel puny, she stood behind, pulled my long unwashed head back against her midriff and stroked my hair and forehead and ears -- like she used to do when I was in the grip of fever or ear ache -- until I got it out of my system. I am humbled by this woman.

After the appt. She took me shopping at TJMaxx, because we are never totally frivolous with Mammon's coin, and I talked her into buying this completely playful but not ostentatious purse, and bought myself Three Whole Pairs of Shoes That Are NOT Black or Brown. Karen, are you proud of me? So, I have achieved that little bit of consumption-abetted personal growth to my satisfaction. But, I also found this shirt. Suffice to say it is both perfect for my present circumstances, and my attitude toward life general. Ah, this is the front of the shirt, with its very Goth IN SPITE, but the back is the kicker. It reads: Look! In spite of death we are merry and dance through the long night to make light of heavy times and to remember better years and refuse to collapse in the face of woe and misery; Arise! And cry out all in appeal for an end to the darkness and despair; Cast off this season of distress and woe and remain determined; Be bound by Joy this night! --- So, it's the totally ironic Goth T-shirt and I simply love it. No ,there's no permanent happiness, but permanent misery is either chemical misfiring or a choice, or the choices of people in power who have no soul.

Now, to the surgical report. This is scary stuff. In summary, my Entire Shoulder, in every way and part, has be reconstructed by the brilliant Dr. Lehman, and with the smart consultations of the very cool Dr. Schtale, who most of the time fix professional athletes. It's nearly bionic. This is not for the weak of stomach. Here we go:

The patient was identified to have instability of the shoulder which was fairly significant (how litotic of them). The patient identified to have Hill-Sachs lesion and appeared to have an ALPHSA lesion (????). Essentially, the glenoid laburm had healed with the capsule down on the neck of the glenoid. After this was identified, initially using a shaver and then using the liberators (loving that metaphor), the capsule was taken off of the glenoid surface using the liberator (i assume this involved scraping and plying). The arthroscope was posterior and the liberator was in in the anterior portal (these are, i think, holes cut in my shoulder), and freeing up the capsule, and then using the arthroscopic shaver, the neck of the glenoid was abraded (they sanded it, like wood). After multiple passes (gish), attention was turned to freeing up (prying loose) the inferior capsule which was done quite nicely (well, huzzah!). The wounds were thoroughly irrigated multiple times using a PushLock system. Three holes were drilled in the anterior aspect of the glenoid long its margin. Systematically (now, that's nice, because we don't want any improvisation going on here!), using a shooter or suture passer, 2-0 Prolene was passed through the sapsulolabral tear (gish, gish) and followed by a fiber wire. This was done in a loop fashion and then this was placed in a PushLock system, and then this was brought into the bone (again with the litotes), essentially looping the capsule and bringing it up making a nice bump around the capsular complex. This was done two more times , embedding the PushLock system into the bone (ah, there we go), reconstructing the capsulolabral complex. Once this was completed, the wounds were thoroughly irrigated, and the subscapularis and then into the capsule, and this was followed by fiber wire and then arthroscopically tied with seven alternating knots (there is some numerological goodness in this), and then a suture was passed using a suture passer through the subscapularis followed by a bird beak (that slays me, i have seven knots and bird beak in my arm, auspicious) through the surpraspinatus and this was tagged (you're it). The labrum was then debrided (more scraping) using an arthroscopic shaver. The subacromial space was entered. The bursal tissues was debrided quite extensively (oh, my, gods). There was a large spur at the anterior-inferior aspect of the acromion. Acromioplasty was completed (they cut it off?). The bursal tissue was redebrided (oh my, that re- !!) and then a 5.5 bur was used to turn the acromion into a type I acromion (magic?). Subsequently, the partial rotator cuff tear with some fraying on the bursal side surface was debrided. The anterior interval closure sutures were tied. The knots were cut (like some kind of re-birth myth here). The patient was placed in a shoulder immobilizer. The patient tolerated the procedure well (because she was unconscious and had had a nerve block done, like an epidural but in her neck, which immobilized her arm and numbed the whole left side of her head for 36 hours).

In short, total reconstruction. So, sigh of relief, now I have some Reason and Understanding about why this hurts and is going to take so long and why the docs are handing me scripts for narcotics like they are Easter candy. Thank you, dear lovely doctors, for both!!!! May your children reap the karmic benefits of your merit when you pass.

After the summer of what promises to be some really tough physical therapy: swimming, dancing, climbing trees, yoga, horseback riding, and fun new experiments in my sexual education will be very much on the agenda. Those Taoist sex manuals and erotic ancient Egyptian poetry require further investigation. And now that I'm not ~me anymore, I feel like taking walks and moving around. Yip, yip, yipeee!

Now, I'm going to go look all of this stuff up and see if my trot is near close.