My Left Shoulder

OK, saw the orthopedist yesterday. Good news: we have taken an MRI of my shoulder, and will be scheduling surgery in the next shortish while. Then two weeks with the arm immobilized (should be fun) and some physical therapy after than, and as the Doc said, "Then, this won't happen ever again." I said, "So, after this I can swim in the ocean without worry?" He said, "You bet." Hurray!!! It's been For-Ev-ER since I felt safe to that. Which is a sadness because I heart the ocean big time. Also, the Doc explained why I couldn't get my shoulder in the last couple of times I was kissed by the Snarling Gods of Howling Ouch. I'll spare you the gory details, something to do with stretching and folding and swelling (which in this case, is the opposite of sexy), but it was nice to know that I wasn't being a baby, or chicken. It just could not happen. Where, before, I was able to deal with it most of the time. The surgery will likely be laproscopic, and recovery won't be too awful. My shoulder and arm will be immobilized for about two weeks after, and then physical therapy to get those muscles back. And then, I'll be able to dance, and do yoga, and climb trees, and ride horses, and swim, and pick up heavy objects at odd angles with my left arm, and put on my robe, and shoot a bow or a slingshot, and pull down a coffee mug from a high shelf, and have sex in ways I've avoided from some long time because of the Walking Shoulder. So, I am very excited about this. Next time someone says, "Hey, you want to go to the beach?" I'll say, "Oh hell yes, Mother Ocean here I come!" Because, I won't have to just sit and walk and build things with sand, I can swim!!! Which is the whole point of going to beach. For me, anyway.

Ohboyohboyohboy!

Now, here's what I learned. I do that thing most people do where I worry about phantoms. I worry about my future, or my past, or whether I can really write, or whether I will get published, or whatever Is Not Here and Happening. Like I need to be constantly ready. This goes on underneath and behind what most people experience as my sparkling and generous personality. Well, then something happened in the hear and now, and it was literally howlingly painful, I was a small, panting, scared, animal who wanted nothing more than to pass out. And then, I was exhausted for two days. Here and Now. What I learned, and hope to train myself to remember, is that I need to save up my freak-out energy for when there's something to really freak out about, and remember that when something happens, that What I'm Trying to Be Ready For, I'm already ready.

Also, thanks to Fleur and Hemingway for sitting with me, trying to help bring my arm down from that funky angle it got stuck in so that we could do something about it by giving me muscle relaxers meant for the dog and holding a footstool under my arm for a very long time indeed. And then, driving me to the ER, and letting me whimper and cry and scream, and then taking super amazing care of me after by buying me a cheeseburger and chocolate shake because I hadn't eaten all day and it was 4 pm. You were doing all the right things, that shoulder was just not gonna play nice. And to the ER doc who said, "Do you trust me?" in such a way that the only answer and state of being was, "Yes," and then fixed my arm. You were very cool. I'm rich for having you.

Meanwhile, This thing now with the Attorney General and all that?? After each and every other really jaw dropping thing. I conclude that there simply is no bottom to the damage this admin is willing to do to this country. None. Get your parachutes people. I have to stop watching the news.